"This Above All: To Thine Own Self Be True." William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3, Page 3; Polonius
In 2017, my theme for the year was "Peace" and it came to pass through a long, challenging year of struggle, triumph, sadness, faith, sweat, tears, and love (first and foremost learning to love myself). Peace sprouted from these seeds as I walked (what seemed like a million miles!), listened to positive music (Air1), volunteered at church and took classes, prayed, sought therapy, read dozens of books, such as: "Boundaries," by Dr. Henry Cloud, "Breaking Free," by Beth Moore, and "Braving the Wilderness," by Brene Brown, just to name a few. Practicing transformational breathing, yoga, focusing on taking care of myself, and learning to be alone (without going stir crazy!). All of it culminated, conjoined, combined - until it produced - PEACE.
At the end of 2017, as I was praying about the coming year (2018) - this verse from Hamlet came to mind, "To Thine Own Self Be True." You see, when I was younger, I knew exactly 'who' I was. I was the positive, bubbly, Type A, straight A student who was on-time to events, went the extra mile on projects, overachieved in school (reading 300 books in one year & earning a certificate to prove it!), making a birthday cake for my beloved teacher, joining every single club on campus, having a zillion friends, being a cheerleader (I love to cheer others on in life), volunteering in various capacities and working 20 - 30 hours per week through high school and college to save money for my first car, pay for school books, gas to college, clothes, etc. Loyal to family and friends to a fault. I not only attended church but was very 'God centered' and even though I had my doubts and struggled through my faith - I eventually came to discover that my faith and relationship with God was personal and that I couldn't look to others to prove his value and validity - because others fail and others compromise and we base our relationship with God on how others perform, we will never have one.
This is Denee N. Burns at her very core. I knew who I was. Just Denee.
But where did this person go? She got lost in the woods. She stopped being able to 'see the forest through the trees.' Wrongly guided by so many voices all shouting to go different directions in order to serve their agendas or because they thought they knew best. Starting to listen to false narratives so much so that even she started to believe them until . . .
The Awakening.
I started to realize that I had lost myself somewhere along the journey of life and I became the 'transport' to help others along their journeys, but had lost myself and my identity. I felt de-valued and robotic. Going through the motions, but dis-engaged from life - almost floating above it. Watching myself attend life but not live it.
This year, 2018, is about self-discovery. Getting back to basics. Digging deep to bring back those qualities that I was born with and that I valued and found self-respect in. The hard work ethic that I cherished along with integrity and honor.
I'm on a voyage to find that human; the one I started out being.
Here's to 2018 and 'To Thine Own Self Be True.'
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